Father, Son, Spirit . . . or . . . Rock, Paper, Scissors

29 08 2006

–here is an article that ran last friday by Mark Driscoll. His humor and truth telling are worth the read, particularly the last paragraph–

The One God has kindly told us who He is—Father, Son, and Spirit. But some chicks and some chickified dudes with limp wrists and minors in “womyn’s studies” are not happy because two persons of the Trinity have a dude-ish ring. So, in an effort to copy-edit God, some folks at the Presbyterian Church (USA) who have free time because no one is going to their church have decided to consider new names for God. The entire fiasco can be found at USA Today.

The gist is that a committee (yet another problem) is compiling alternative language for the Trinity. Then churches in the denomination can have the freedom to call God whatever works for them because, of course, the most important aspect of worship is that the worshipper not be forced to deal with the real God. Some of the names being considered include the following:

  • Mother, Child, Womb
  • Rock, Redeemer, Friend
  • Lover, Beloved, Love
  • Creator, Savior, Sanctifier
  • King of Glory, Prince of Peace, Spirit of Love

Never mind that the Ten Commandments start with the order not to mess with whom God has revealed Himself to be. And never mind that Jesus taught us to pray “Our Father,” because Jesus never went to college and didn’t even know what a liturgy or a committee was.

But if the committee is still taking suggestions, maybe we could call God one of the following:

  • Rock, Paper, Scissors
  • Larry, Curly, Moe
  • Beast, False Prophet, Antichrist
  • Chocolate, Peanut, Nougat
  • Judas, Herod, Pharaoh
  • Paula, Randy, Simon
  • Fastball, Curveball, Changeup
  • Momma Bear, Poppa Bear, Baby Bear

And maybe we could start calling mainline Protestant pastors who despise God’s Word something new and compile a new series of title options for them, too, such as:

  • Heretics
  • Nutjobs
  • Wingnuts
  • Tools
  • Kindling

Lastly, I am truly sorry for all the real Christians stuck in this dysfunctional family because the denomination owns their buildings. It must feel like living with an ex-wife. Our prayers to God the Father through God the Son by the power of God the Spirit are with you. One day they will see that they have been messing with the Judge, Jury, and Executioner.

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5 responses

29 08 2006
diana

I love the way that’s written. some bits are hilarious while some bits just shock u (well, me) and i just stop and think.. whoa.
God’s word is perfect and it needs no alteration.
Jesus doesn’t need a translator. He spoke the language of God and those who don’t understand him are not his sheep. If you want him to say what he didn’t say, you’re missing the point.
A good read. Love the last line it’s brilliant.
Bless you 🙂

29 08 2006
Johnnie Burgess

It sometimes is amazing to see how liberals think they can change the titles God gave Himself. They believe they can change things to fix the image they want. They must not realize this is idolatry.

29 08 2006
Mike

I love the last line of what these False teachers should be called!! “Kindling” because that is exactly what they will be in the end…John the baptist declared this to the people of his day, saying that if we do not bear good fruit we will be tossed into the fire!! Notice the word GOOD…we all bear fruit, but it must be good! Awesome!

30 08 2006
Jonathan Edwards

“God made all men that they might be useful; and if they will not be useful in their conduct and actions, how just is it that God should make them useful in their sufferings! God made all men for his own glory; and if they, contrary to the revealed will of God, refuse to glorify him actively and willingly, how just is it that God should glorify himself upon them in what he doth with them!” (Jonathan Edwards, Wicked Men Useful in Their Destruction Only)

21 09 2006
linda george

Actually, the presbyterian powers in New Zealand have closed down two churches in our area, one at Kaiaua has actually been sold. Doesn’t matter that the locals donated the land and built it. The one at Pokeno is closed and I am not sure what will happen. We are very ‘Parochial’ here in NZ, and locals will not travel to the central location to worship. (anything over half an hour drive is too far when you can see from one side of the island to the other from the top of your farm…) the church at Mangatangi (don’t you love the Maori names???) is actually a cupboard sanctuary in the local hall. Just unlock it on Sundays. Doesn’t matter what happened in the hall the previous night. Wonder if they have services EVERY Sunday? Wonder where the money from the sale went???

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